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Throwback Thursday: 3 AM Friends

It’s time for Throwback Thursday again! For those of you who have stuck with me through the absurd posts, this is where the drama begins. As I’ve mentioned before, the fall semester of my junior year was all about getting over my boyfriend whom I had broken up with earlier that summer. For the first few months of the semester I was happily going about my life dating guys, looking for that special someone. And then Halloween night happened. My friend and I went to a costume party hosted by a friend of my friend’s boyfriend. It’s important to note that my friend’s boyfriend’s housemate was my ex-boyfriend. Any logical person would have considered that a friend of my ex-boyfriend’s housemate might also be a friend of my ex-boyfriend. But no, I was too busy making sure my Pajama Barbie costume (really just an excuse to wear pajama pants to a party) looked good to put two and two together that my ex-boyfriend might be at this party. Even further from my mind was the fact that he would be bringing his new girlfriend with him. So imagine my surprise when I walked into this party and immediately saw my ex-boyfriend with his new girlfriend sitting on his lap (as if there wasn’t any room next to him on the couch!). Anyway, you can imagine how the rest of my night went. Unfortunately, I was my friend’s ride home so I couldn’t just leave. I spent the next two hours trying to avoid the living room at all costs. Later that night, when I got home, I wrote this post.

November 1, 2002 12:37 AM

Everyone always talks about independence and how it’s this great thing. Like “Wow, she’s such an independent person. She can do it all on her own. That’s great.” So in a way, society has taught us that it is good to be independent.

Guys have always been taught they should be able to handle anything that comes their way. To ask for help is a sign of weakness.

Girls in our generation are young enough that we have never been taught to rely on someone else. We are independent women who can make it on our own. We don’t need another person to help us through. I think the concept of idolizing independence is crap. People are not better off alone.

We have a natural tendency to want another person in our life to share our thoughts with. When something goes wrong, we want to call up someone to talk with and make it better.

I am not good with sharing my feelings. Anyone who knows me knows that I will hold things in until the last possible second before I tell someone how I feel. My reasoning is that it’s my problem and I can deal with it myself. To cry about something means I can’t handle it. If I can’t handle it, I am weak. The fact of the matter is, I am afraid that if I actually open up to a person, if I tell someone what I am really thinking, the person will react in a way that will make me feel as if I shouldn’t have those feelings.

But there are certain people I can open up to. And when I do, I feel so much better. And until I talk to one of those people about it, there is no way I can get over it.

It takes a special kind of person to be that person. There are only a few people that I would consider calling at 3 AM on the verge of tears. I know that when they pick up the phone, no matter how tired and groggy, they will immediately snap to it when they hear my whimpering voice.

I don’t make a habit of calling people at 3 AM but it’s good to know what they are there. And whether it’s 3 AM or 10 PM, they are what you need when you need it. I wouldn’t give up those friends to be independent any day. I can’t imagine not having someone to go to when life sucks.

I had a crappy night. I am not going to lie. And yeah, I am still working some of it out. But I have my 3 AMers who I can count on bring me through.