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Throwback Thursday: All Cried Out

It’s Thursday which means that once again it’s Throwback Thursday (New to Throwback Thursdays? Catch up here). As promised last week, I skipped over the post where I only wrote the lyrics to All Cried Out by Allure. If you would like to preserve the authenticity of this series, you can take a moment to read those lyrics here. Last week’s post focussed on the closure I felt after finding out that my ex-boyfriend had a new girlfriend. Today’s post is a bit of a backslide from that positive attitude. Sorry for the emotional roller coaster folks; just think how my roommates felt. Am I right, ladies?

[Comments by 2012 Susan]

November 3, 2002 7:40 PM

So wow. What a day. I haven’t cried like I did today in a long time. But I think it was a good thing. I was tired of being the strong one. Holding it all in. I honestly think that my mind had done such a good job of convincing myself of all the good things about the break up, that for this whole time whenever I felt like crying I would say, “don’t cry, you did the right thing.”

But what I never dealt with was the devastation of losing my best friend [okay 2002 Susan, you dated the guy for ten months, five of which he was studying abroad in Italy. Best friend? Really? Are we perhaps being a little dramatic?] He was the person I could go to with anything and he would be there for me. Initially I had hoped that after we broke up I would still have that with him. But I don’t. I lost him entirely. It hurts. So this weekend I finally gave in and cried. He’s with someone new and, honestly, I am really happy for him [I think we can all agree that's probably stretching the truth a bit.] And I hope she’s everything for him that I couldn’t be [Fun fact: she is. I know this because he later marries this girl.] But I still miss him as my friend.

I must have cried for over three hours straight today. I knew I had to cry to make things okay. I had to get all the hurt from him out of my system before I could move on. Getting over a person is so weird. You still have all those good memories and the person still has so many good characteristics, but you know that it’s just not right.

My biggest step right now is to be able to watch girly movies and see other couples without getting depressed. Because it has gotten to the point where I just can’t do it. I can’t listen to love songs without relating every song to him.

Most of all, I realized today that I am not ready to love again [Is that not the most cliché line ever?]. At least not right now. I had been trying to fill the void all this time with someone else, but I still haven’t gotten over losing him yet. I don’t have room for another person right now.

Wow. That felt good. I needed that vent.