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The End of An Era

I wasn’t sure what to do with you when I first held you both in my arms. I was scared. I questioned whether I had what it would take to be your mom. I was so happy to be holding you but at the same time I was so scared that I would mess up or make a mistake or break down because life was about to get very hard.

Guess what? I did mess up, I made a lot of mistakes and I even broke down. But it was all worth it. Because through out all of it, I got to be your mom. Life was hard and things were crazy but after five years of this twins thing I think we’ve finally found our groove.

I always imagined that the first 5 years would be the hardest. I knew that it would be difficult to have two little babies and a toddler in the house. Two babies learning to sleep through the night. Two toddlers learning to walk. Two preschoolers learning to potty train. Everything was done in twos with you guys and in so many ways that made the last five years the hardest five years of my life.

But there is another side to having twins that people don’t always get to see. As the mother of twins I experienced twice the joy. You were two sweet babies that I got to hold in my arms at nap time. You gave me twice the amount of baby giggles that I found so adorable. You gave me twice the hugs and twice the kisses.

You taught me a lot about a lot of things. Take patience. As two children who end up sharing most things, you know a thing or two about patience. You’ve had to wait for things. When there is only space for one person, you’ve learned to wait your turn. This has taught you a lot about disappointment. As the second and third child you’ve haven’t had the same royal treatment that your older brother received his first years. For every first that he endeavored, a parade of pomp and circumstance followed. You guys were different. We were just so thrilled to make it to your milestones that we had little energy to do much else. You learned to just go with it.

Here we are five years later and what amazing kids you’ve become.

Daughter, watching you make friends is like watching the sunrise every morning. It comes so easy to you. It seems every time we leave the house you make a new friend. I hope that you never lose that skill. I hope that you will always see people as friends that you haven’t met yet. I love how excited you get over the silliest things. I love your love for girly things while at the same time your ability to keep up with the boys. I love you.

Son, I didn’t know four year olds could be this thoughtful. How is it that you have learned to be more selfless than many grown adults including myself? Thank you for the example to set in this house to always be thinking about others’ needs. I love that it took you 4 years to learn how to like cuddling but now that you do you want to cuddle all the time. I love that you won’t let me leave the house without first running to give me a giant hug and kiss. I love you.

Today is your birthday. Today you are five. In a few months, you’ll be done with preschool and ready to start kindergarten. I’m a little sad to close this chapter of our lives but I am so excited to see what the next five years will bring us.

Today You Are Seven.

Can it really be that today you are seven? I’m not quite sure how we are here already. Last week when we bought the number seven birthday candle for your birthday cake I actually had to stop to think to make sure I had the right number. Seven does not feel right. You haven’t even lost your first tooth yet. You are the same height as your four-year-old brother. How can you be seven?

Trust me, some days you feel way older than seven. Some days, you look at me with that grin of yours and you say some witty remark and I swear you are an adult trapped in six-year-old’s body. Other days when you refuse to do your homework or clean up your room you seem very tween-like.

But most days you are still my sweet little boy. The baby that made me a mom. Seven years a mom. You’d think after seven years we’d have this thing down, but as you and I have both learned this year there are so many layers to this parent-child relationship thing. Just when we think we are making progress, one of us goes and throws another wrench in the process.

We have had our moments this year. We struggle at times to communicate effectively don’t we? If I’m being honest, most of my frustration comes when I perceive you not caring about things that I cared about at your age. I am trying to remember that you are not me and you do things differently than me but it is hard. As you grow older, this will become more and more difficult. I promise to try my best to allow you to grow into your own person and not just try to mold you into a miniature version of me. The world doesn’t need another version of me. There is already one of me. The world needs a you. You have so much to offer the world. You are creative. You are funny. You are outgoing. You are charming. You have talents I never had. Trying to mold you into me would be like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. You are already on your way to becoming an awesome adult. I will try to remember that.

Thank you for another great year of being your mom. Thank you for teaching me patience as we attempt to study Japanese together. Thank you for your forgiveness when I’ve let you down. Thank you for playing with your brother and sister even when you’d rather play alone. Thank you for always trying your best when you play basketball. Thank you for holding my hand in the parking lot. Thank you for flashing that amazing smile that still melts my heart. Thank you for insisting that I cuddle with you at night before you go bed.

I can’t wait to watch you grow this year.

(And I promise that you will FINALLY lose a tooth when you are seven. This is definitely your year buddy.)