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Unicorn Mothers

Good news.  I just became a much better mom.  Let me explain.

I’ve always been good in school.  I am a teacher’s dream. I did not consider assignments optional.  Instead I worked hard to turn in exactly what the teacher wanted. The only acceptable grade in my head was an A.  If an A+ was offered, I went for it.

So naturally when I got pregnant, I read all the books and subscribed to all the parenting magazines.  I was determined to get an A in parenting. The following is a partial list that I had in my head of how to get an A in parenting:

1. Don’t threaten something you aren’t willing to follow through with.
2. Keep your kids on a schedule.
3. Make your own baby food. Extra Credit if you use organic food.
4. When your child must provide snack for his/her preschool class, make creative homemade snacks relating to the theme of the week.
5. For Valentines day, don’t pass out store bought valentines to the class.  Make personalized homemade ones for each student.
6. Provide three hot meals a day with fruits and vegetables at all of them.
7. Subscribe to at least 5 different email newsletters with “mom” or “mommy in the title.
8. Schedule play dates once a week.
9. Provide freshly baked treats at play dates.
10. Keep your house spotless.

Based on those guidelines, I’m averaging about a C.  Perhaps a C-.  But I realized something the other day.  There are no A students in this class.  And therefore there is a curve. And suddenly I’m bumped up to about a B+.  This rocks.

I used to think I was living in the midst of A student mothers.  Instead I will now refer to these mothers as Unicorn Mothers.  Because I don’t think they exist.  They might have been around in the 50′s but I’m pretty sure are just a myth now (though trust me when I tell you I have some sisters-in-law that are scoring pretty high in the class).

When I no longer feel like I’m failing the class, it’s a lot less intimidating to be enrolled. So my advice to new/future parents out there? Read the books. Subscribe to the magazines. But don’t get too caught up in them. They aren’t the official rules of Parenting.


Gene Wiley

You get extra credit for three kids under age 5! You’re doing great!

[...] I am pretty sure I threw the issue straight into the trash. I was in no mood to read an article about 3 “no-fail” solutions to the anarchy in the house. I felt like if I even read the article I would know the 3 ways I was failing at parenthood (I hadn’t yet learned about Unicorn Mothers). [...]


Funny and true :)

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